“..if you speak, I’ll kill you”

I am a 25 years old Iraqi. I had an arranged second marriage in 2012 to Saman and joined him in the UK in 2013 on a spouse visa. The first 6 months of our marriage were good even though I barely went anywhere.  I was very isolated whilst Saman worked long hours in a shop.

I couldn’t get pregnant and from this point Saman started to insult me, taunting me with fact I couldn’t get pregnant during my first marriage. He took me to the specialist and the doctor told him that I have a problem with my womb so I was offered IVF.  Saman decided to take me back to Iraq to humiliate me in front of his family and my family. My mum told him that she will pay for the IVF operation. Saman was too embarrassed to refuse my mum’s offer so he agreed, doubting that I will not get pregnant.

A while after we got back to UK, I went to the hospital for a test and they told me that I was pregnant with twins. I contacted Saman to give him the good news, however he didn’t seem happy and was questioning how I would raise them and complaining about the expenses they will incur.

Saman wasn’t supportive all throughout my pregnancy and didn’t come to the hospital when I went into premature labour. The nurse contacted him to tell him that he has to attend but he said he was busy and only came when everything was finished. I’ve had to do everything for the babies alone since their birth. One of the twins was on oxygen, and he refused to help me take them to the GP.

He was very controlling and was forcing me regularly to have sex with him and I once had to call the police. Saman threatened me that if I leave him he will keep the children and he’ll make sure I’ll go back to Iraq disgraced and rejected by my family. He once threatened to chop my head off with a knife just because I asked him to cuddle one of the children while I was preparing their meal. He became angry and said he was busy, came up to me, cornered me in kitchen where I was standing by the cooker, which was on.

I had my daughter in my arms and wanted to put her down away from the cooker but Saman kicked me in the leg, grabbed my arm, and took a knife from the kitchen drawer, saying ‘if you speak,  I’ll kill you’. He then pushed me to the floor. I was scared. I wanted to call the police but my phone was on the other side of the room as my son had been playing on it. I picked up the broom from the floor to try to get Saman off me. When I said I was going to call the police, Saman called them. The police came and arrested me and I spent the night in jail, but he dropped the case in the morning and told the police officer that the children didn’t sleep that night.

Children’s Social Services got involved in my case following a police report regarding that incident. They worked with the VAWG advice worker from the Kurdish and Middle Eastern Women’s Organisation (KMEWO) and my case was referred to MARAC. Luckily, after the support I received from KMEWO and help with the language barrier, the support was more efficient.

Now I feel stronger, empowered and have hope again.

 

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